My Dreams

My dreams are usually halfway normal or at least normal to the point where i dont wake up crying. I think its cuz it felt so real and there was nothing i could do to stop it and i hate feeling helpless. It started off normal me an yhu were sitting in mah hallway and yhu were holding me we were juss sitting there talking and all of a sudden yhu let go of me and pushed me away and was like im done with yhu and i just looked at yhu and asked why but yhu wouldnt tell me yhu just kept saying im done yhu wldnt tell me why yhu we're done yhu just kept sayin yhurr done so i was like i thought yhu loved me and yhu juss looked at me and walked away............... which was when i woke up crying. I dnt want yhu to leave me but i wld think i understand if yhu did.....after a while anyway like some years or something. I need you In mah life more than yhu know so im working on not being so fucking bipolar all the time.

Me +&& You

Today well i should say yesterday cuz its like 1 in the morning lol, but yhu came ovahh mah house an as usual i never wanted yhu to leave but i dnt think yhu understand that love yhu or how much so i guess imma havto prove it by giving yhu th one thing i have that no one else can ever hav. so i guess its like im falin in love wth yhu or  somethin and thats the one thing im afraid of more than heights i think we need to talk or somethin juss talk to see where we are at. I mean juss cuz i love yhu and yhu love me dont mean that its meant to be or that we will ever be together. i need for you to understand how i feel or the way im thinkin because i dnt hink yhu do and this,us, we're startin to feel repetitive i dont kno i have alot of feelingsz about yhu and i dnt really kno how to express them  i never was any good at that lolzz i wonder why that is............ yhu keep sayin im scared and i kindahh am but imma gt over it i promise or imma try but idk i jjuss wanna feel like yhu want as much as i do out of this but if yhu dont thats cool love seems to hate me anyway lolzz

Why Am I So Fucking Stupid

i knew yhu didnt love me i mean of course yhu dnt nobody loves me but i thought yhu did or could or would but yhu dnt and its juss that simple and one of these days i wont cre about yhu anymore i will stop loving yhu and i wont miss yhu all the time............. I cnt believe i was stupid enuff to thinkthat yhu loved me but its fine or it will be cuz my heart hurtsz right now and i think maybe some part of me died or somethin or maybe yhu juss broke the one thin i could never protect even when i tried my hardest i let yhu get close to me and thts my fault but that is the first and last time i will let anybody get close to me im gonna stay cold and distant because im sick of being me im sick of falling in love with people who dont love me back and im sick of yhu being able to control my emotions cause there is no way i should be crying over yhu i dont fucking cry and i will hate yhu forever for that............ well yhu can go fuck with somebody else's emotions cuz im sick of yhu fucking with mine yhu probly thought it was a gme or something well thats fine cuz its game over................. i said it before and i should hav stuck to it fuck love simple as that........................... and even tho yhu probably dnt care i do (( for now anyway)) love yhu

Loving The Unknown

Its kindah crazii how i tweak myself out. I wonder how yh feel about me even tho yhu say yhu love me i still wonder what else yhu feel.... its crazii how yhu make my day even if im mad at yhu for reasons i will never tell yhu even tho i always have a reason ((yhu can trust me on that lolzz)) but anyways...... to say i've felt like this before wld be a lie becuz i dnt really get close to ppl for the simple fact of they always hurt me but somehow yhu get over the walls i put around me to protect myself from getting hurt and thats good cuz i kno that yhu actually care enough to want to be with me even tho yhurr not with me but its also bad  becuz then yhu can hurt me too but i dnt think yhu will or that yhu want to :-) its crazii how i miss yhu so much even when yhurr around and yhu know im always sad when yhu have to go i love it when yhu make me laugh and when we sit tgether and yhu juss hold me that makes me feel special or somethin idk ((cuz i dnt wanna say it makes me feel tingly lmaoo)) i guess all i need now is for me to be yhurrs bcuz i hav everything else but that and when i get it everything will be perfect ((or as close as it can get)) and then i wouldnt hav anythinq to be sad abt bcuz then i wld hav yhu and yhu make me happy and i love that cuz i dnt have alot to be happy about and juss in case yhu dnt already kno it even tho i say it all the time i love yhu and i think i always will.

I'm Sorry I Keep Pushing

I don't know why I keep doing what I'm doing and I know that one day you are gonna get sick of me and just say fuck  it. I don't want you to do that I hope you won't do that but I might be askin too much from you and you're only one person. I know why I keep pushing I don't like people to get too close to me because I always seem to get hurt. I don't like being hurt but I don't think you want to hurt me I'm just afraid of what might happen and that makes me a horrible person. I think I love you more than  i will ever tell you but I think you know a little of How much I love you. You already know I don't want to fall in love with you but I think if we're together alot that I can't help but fall and if that happens, well when that happens I wish I knew what you were going to do but anyways even though you might not read this I want you to know I'm sorry I keep pushing you away and I'm sorry you love me cuz I'm a horrible person.